Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
