Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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