I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Randomize
