she kept yelling 'call me bella'
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
