I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
