Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
