she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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