I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
