had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
