S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
