first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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