I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
