After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
