He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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