I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Shame - the story of my life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
