I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
