I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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