I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
