summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
