I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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