I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
