I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
