She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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