somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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