someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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