I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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