ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
