vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
