The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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