well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
