dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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