i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Randomize
