After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
