Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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