I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
