I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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