I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
