Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
