ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
