This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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