i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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