It's Friday. Sex?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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