he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
