yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize