Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
