Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
