I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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