i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
