I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
