there's paper in my vomit.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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