I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
