oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
