remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
