Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
