Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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