i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
