Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
